ƸӜƷ•¨¯`•My Recuerdos•¨¯`•ƸӜƷ

I was going through my blog archives. Yea..I do that whenever I feel rather out of sorts with myself (which is what I am feeling at the moment) and I realise that I hardly ever write about my feelings into my posts anymore. No, I don't mean here-I-bare-my-soul-read-every-detail-of-my-life posts. I mean my musings.

I just came back from cell group and we were discussing about breakthroughs. My cell leader Nat was talking about how important it was to have God in everything with do to achieve our full potential and more. We need His help. But the most important part is whether we LET Him help us. If we limit ourselves then it will be very hard and even impossible for God to help us. I guess it is like me trying to help somebody who doesn't want my help. Those words kind of hit home with me because I do limit myself. In more ways than anyone would probably think I do. And one of it is limiting myself towards people.

I really don't have any idea what people perceive me as because someone would go, "OMG..don't mess with Joyce she'll break you!!!" but if another person hears that they'll frown and go,"No..why do you say that??She's not like that." Over the years I have come to realise that it is because I can be quite reserved with people. Yea, I'd joke, I'd participate..but I am rather afraid to trust...to confide. I can be blunt towards people I don't like. But it is the people I'm close with that I am afraid I don't confide my feelings in. (It's certainly nothing wrong with you, my dears, who're reading this, but it's all just me) I can share happy feelings and funny stuff but when I feel sad...I can mostly hit rock bottom without telling anyone. I'd probably go, "Oh..I'm so sad." But 9 out of 10..I won't tell exactly why. I read somewhere that 'we are afraid to share sadness because we are afraid to show a vulnerable side to others.' Well, that's totally me. I hate feeling sad. Sadness leads me to feel weakness. I hate that.

"You're so strong, Joyce.You sure can wann..."
Well...what if I cannot???I am not so strong until EVERYTHING also can

Perhaps some would ask me to grow up, that I am doing the right thing. When I put up an armour then nobody can hurt me. Well, what if I am the one hurting me?? When I limit people from me to protect myself...aren't I also limiting away people who might want to protect me?? If I focus only on shielding myself..then I would be selfish. I guess it makes me a selfish coward??? I constantly look at myself and think..do I like me?? I am not perfect. But I don't want to turn into someone I'd hate. I have to allow God to help me. I have to trust Him to bring more people in my life that I would learn to share with.

There is a saying..

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On a more cheerful note; to distract you guys from my sudden bout of emo-ness...
I have happy news!!! Once again..NUFFNANG HAS GIVEN ME FREE MOVIE TICKETS!!!!
Okay...I actually won them by writing a good story. The tickets are special ones to watch the premier screening of Disney's A Christmas Carol. It is my totally favourite Christmas story!!What's more...I get to watch the movie 3 days before it's actual release in Malaysia PLUS I get to watch the 3D movie. It's going to be my first 3D movie ever. This totally cheered me up..

Disney always makes me smile because it brings me back in touch with my kid self. Oh to be a kid again. Life would be so simple ya??